Molly McGadget

"Butter Slicer makes 16 uniform slices to serve perfectly square butter pats, just like restaurants. Guests can easily help themselves. Dishwasher safe cutter with stainless steel wires is 7" x 2 3/4" x 7/8". Marble base not included. $6.99"
Yes, I'm sure that all restaurants use this exact same dollar-store grade gadget from Walter Drake. I like how they conveniently leave out the fact that cold, hard butter will bend this thing into oblivion. And good luck getting all those slippery, jiggly slices of butter into a neat little row (pictured) without a mess. This is more trouble than it's worth. Just use a frickin knife.

Ice Ice (Cry)Baby

Retro Ice Tapper cracks cubes with a single pat! Classic kitchen essential breaks up ice into more manageable bits for beverages, cold food trays, and for soothing ice wraps. Dishwasher safe plastic and metal is 10 1/2" long. $5.49

Or, you could:
a) use less ice
b) let them melt
c) use a hammer
d) waste some more money on a "mini" ice cube tray
e) stop being a fussy little crybaby
And, are you supposed to hold the ice cube in your hand in front of company while you whack it? That's just disgusting.

Just Stick To Coffee, Okay?

Electric Egg Cooker. Take the guesswork out of boiling or poaching eggs with this space-age-shaped countertop cooker. Cooks four hard or soft-boiled eggs, or poaches three eggs at once, alerting you when they’re done. Easy-to-set switch. Measuring cup and egg piercer included. 6"D x 5"H. $34.95

This makes me want to slap someone. Doesn't anyone want to learn how to do anything anymore? "Takes the guesswork out of boiling eggs." Ever hear of "practice" or "trial and error"? If you can't boil a frickin egg, then what does that say about you? Comes from Gevalia, of all places. Click here to laugh at them.